Yes, Jesus Is With Us … But Do We Act Like It?

April 5, 2013 — 19 Comments

One day Barry the good Christian was riding his bike when he bumped into Jesus. It was quite a shock at first, but he was excited to hear that Jesus wanted to spend the day with him. What luck, to have God actually with him.

First thing he did when they arrived at his apartment was stand in front of Jesus for 25 minutes and sing love songs to him. This. Was. Awkward.

After worship Barry informed Jesus it was now time for them to have communion. Jesus smiled, stood up enthusiastically and asked where the wine was. This. Was. Awkward.

Barry informed Jesus very nicely that communion was actually done with grape juice, as this was the biblical way, and Barry always followed the Bible. Jesus seemed to roll his eyes, but Barry wasn’t sure. Jesus then asked what they planned on eating for fellowship. Barry produced two tiny pieces of a cracker.

When Jesus asked why they were drinking grape juice out of a shot glass and holding a tiny piece of cracker, Barry decided it was best to ignore Jesus for a moment while he enjoyed communion. For Barry, it was a great moment of connection. Meanwhile, Jesus was still asking where the wine was.

Next he sat Jesus down as he wanted to share a 3 point sermon with him about how to live a better Christian life. Jesus asked if they could have a simple conversation instead. Barry laughed, thinking Jesus was joking. After 10 minutes Jesus actually fell asleep. Barry falsely assumed he was simply in deep meditation about the anointed message, and so continued for another 30 minutes. At the end, he politely woke Jesus up.

After Barry was sure Jesus was awake and listening he became very serious as he began his altar call. He asked Jesus, very convincingly, if he wanted to accept himself into his heart. In fact, he kept on asking with increasing pressure until Jesus raised his hand, upon which he prayed for Jesus to receive his salvation. Barry was very proud of himself – just wait until his prayer group heard about this!

After Jesus got saved by Barry, he was given a form to fill out all his contact details. Once he got all his details, he strategically walked Jesus towards the door. It seemed that Jesus wanted to hang out for longer, but why? They had already done everything important to the Christian fellowship experience.

Barry gave his best Christian smile, inviting Jesus back at the same time, same place the following week. Jesus, however, didn’t understand his nice Christian smile actually meant ‘It’s time for you to leave now’ and so he remained standing there, explaining that there was still plenty of time left in the day to hang out. This. Was. Awkward.

After Jesus finally got the hint and left, Barry sat on his couch, exhausted. 90 minutes with Jesus, he was convinced, was enough for one week.

  • Genoise

    Not sure whether to laugh or cry… The truth hurts!

    • mickmooney

      If you have to choose, I’d go with laughing ;-)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=588202986 Sarah Grace Ryle

      I nearly laughed so I hard I cried…

  • barry

    I think I met barry when I first went to church. Last weekend, I think I *was* barry…

    • mickmooney

      That’s actually a profound thought Barry (you’re name’s not really Barry, is it?)

  • Jacob

    I haven’t been in any institution for the last 22 years and I think I
    still do that to Jesus in some form or the other. The further I walk the
    more I realize how I’ve compartmentalized Jesus in my life. I’m not
    here to boast about my journey but rather to say I know how Barry feels,
    I still do it to some degree. I’m starting to get that God wants a
    total different approach to what I’m used to. To focus on His ability
    rather than my attempts, His work rather than my inefficiencies and His
    love rather than my lack thereof. Even my inability to sense His unity
    with me does not diminish the truth that He is IN me and guides me
    irrespective of how I feel. Today is a somewhat lonely day from my
    perspective, but He says something else. God, thank you for your
    patience.

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  • Kevin

    I love how God is using you and many others to show me what a mockery we have made out of “following Christ.” Modern Christianity is no more Christian than “church” is the church. Maybe you’ve already written one on this, but how about writing a story about Barry inviting Jesus to church? I can totally see Jesus spending the day with all of the Christians, attending services, etc. then at the end of the day asking when they would get to spend time with the church.

  • http://twitter.com/janesadek Jane Sadek

    This is hysterically true. In truth I love church and I love Christians, but we get so plugged into our programs sometimes that it loses a lot in translation.

  • http://www.facebook.com/paul.ellis.35 Paul Ellis

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages! Brilliant Mick!

    • Mick

      Thanks Paul, glad you liked it.

  • wev

    a gem…

  • Joelson

    Very nice Nick, good work.

  • http://www.facebook.com/naturekeene Kathleen Keene

    This is pretty much how I feel when I go to church, ha! I think, “Does God really like all this pretense?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/rachelmp3 Rachel Moser Patterson

    I love it!! Laugh till it sinks in!

  • Diane

    So sad! I’m so sorry you never were able to meet Christ at your church. It’s a beautiful experience to worship with my friends and ‘forever family’ there. True, it is not the same as meeting with Him personally and speaking and hearing from Him like in my quiet time, but it’s not supposed to be the same. I am happy I have Jesus in my heart every day, and we have a ‘friend’ relationship, and that I can be Jesus to others and see Jesus in others. It’s a wonderful thing to live in that relationship daily. But the ‘church’ worship experience is also a wonderful thing, and I think my church’s worship is pleasing to God. It pleases me, and He made me in His image and He lives in me, so how can it not be pleasing to Him to hear our worship of Him?

  • http://www.facebook.com/debbie.scottwhirls Debbie Scott-Whirls

    so true, I love my church to worship at but the people there are not cold but unresponsive to one another and its just about ‘communion’ or ‘altar call’ or ‘fulfilling another conference’ or ‘looking spiritual’ which they do till the service is over and walk out not ever saying anything to those they don’t know who could need them.

    • Pam

      Why then would you attend? Debbie??

  • Shane

    Why does Jesus find being praised through song awkward? Has he not spent eternity in heaven where the angels praise God continuously? I understand that this was done for jest, but presenting the Lord Jesus Christ in a way that is not true to his character can be damaging and confusing to others who may take this as theological. Making jokes and harmful accusations against those whom you perceive to be too judgmental and hypocritical comes across as rather ironic. I in no way desire to stir up controversy or consternation, it just seems as if the intentions of this article is to create division between differing views of Christianity, with a desire to cast down those in which you do not agree.