The Religious Disneyland Version Of My Faith Walk & Why I Walked Away

To be famous for God is a common, almost universal, pastoral pursuit. I’m talking about the top dogs, the senior pastors on the hunt for their mega-church, the visionaries. That was me. I know my own type well enough.

I started out with the noblest intentions, but somewhere along the way something happened. The landscape changed. Not around me, but in my thinking. In my understanding of who God was, who I was, and what the whole point of the church community was. When I look back now, I feel as if I was living in a warped pastoral franchise of Disneyland. A place where my wildest religious dreams could come true. Where magical events were an everyday occurrence. A world where I was doing something great. Making God Famous – and myself a little famous too.

There I was, week in and week out, on stage in the center of my religious Disneyland. The one and only: Pastor Mickey Mouse.

When I reflect on those early day, I picture myself as a theme-park employee clocking on for his shift, feeling lousy and wanting to throw the whole gig in. However, like a true professional, quickly getting into character, suiting up in my costume and bouncing onto the stage to the roar of the crowd. After the show I would walk around in character and shake a few hands, wave a little. Big smiles, big smiles.

In the beginning I knew it wasn’t real. I knew that wasn’t who I was, but at some point I stopped believing I was putting on a show and started believing the whole thing was real. I was no longer faking anything. It was no longer a costume. The fantasy had become my reality… I was Pastor Mickey Mouse.

The saddest part about this was that my family at home knew I wasn’t the great religious icon I was creating myself to be. They had a good reason not to believe it too. They lived with me. Yet, after everything I put them through, they still love me. That alone is enough for me to be forever thankful for God’s grace. I’m still here. My wife still loves me. My kids still talk to me. I woke up from my religious fantasy losing my income and my pride, but by the grace of God I kept hold of the one thing that matters most. My family.

I want to be honest and real. I’ve discovered that means accepting I’m not living in Peter Pan’s Nevernever land. My life, from a miraculous perspective, is quite boring now that my faith is no longer played out in a religious theme park. The miraculous is not happening all around me. The dead are not being raised in my living room. The crippled are not being healed by my shadow. I would love to see these things happen, but I’m not going to create a fantasy in my mind to convince myself they’re happening when they’re not. I want to be honest. I want to know the truth. I want to see where this journey takes me.

So here I am. No more costumes. No more audience. No more standing ovations. That’s O.K. Maybe now, in the quietness, in this place where I no longer have a religious image to live up to and no religious benefits to lose, I might have a real shot of learning what this whole walk of faith is really about.

Gail

right with you on this one Mick… i was in the audience and gave you the adulation cues!!!
Jacob

If I think back on what I did and said whilst standing in the pulpit (as a layman and worship leader) it leaves me ashamed that I could be so self-indulgent. Here are some words to describe my attitude of those years: aloofness, audacity, bluster, braggadocio, brass, cheek, conceitedness, contemptuousness, disdainfulness, egotistical, haughtiness, imperiousness, insolence, loftiness, ostentatiousness, overbearance, pomposity, pompousness, presumption, pretentiousness, pride, self-important, self-love, smugness, superciliousness, etc. And for that I pray for forgiveness from God and the people I mislead with these traits I displayed.

But I thank God that He ripped me out of that 22 years ago. Maybe whoever knows me will understand my absolute dislike and disapproval of institutions and the opportunity it lends itself to abuse by manipulative ‘leaders’.

These institutions are assuming the role of Mediator between God and people and are also assuming to accommodate the place of ‘getting people into the right frame of mind to be in contact with God or hear from Him. Now that is presumptuousness in the extreme and as un-scriptural as you can get.

So Pastor Mickey Mouse stand aside so “Pastor Elmer J. Fudd Egghead” can take a bow…in shame.
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Diane

I was not a pastor but I was certainly involved with maintaining the rides and making sure everyone had a good time!

mickmooney

Funny
http://www.facebook.com/joseph.librero Joseph Librero

Hahaha… I can relate to this.

Fiona Ogilvie

All I can say is…. good on ya mate
Joy

I loved the church I was a part of and truely believed that my pastor was a great teacher (which he was of grace too) and I gave Jesus all the glory, …but what was sad now looking back is that I do believe it was mostly this image and act the pastor was maintaing to be all that you said above….the church has closed, and the pastor and his wife divorced and the pastor went with the church secretary….not a happy ending and alot of hurt sheep…but thank God that His Grace is STILL overflowing and His Love endures for ever…enjoying this story Pastor Micky Mouse lol
giordana toccaceli

awesome mick….great way to paint a picture.
http://www.facebook.com/2TrakMind Kevin Burgess

There’s a bit of narcissist in us all. Some have a little, some have a lot. I think most of us church leaders struggle with it at one time or another. Those in up front “ministry” have an added ingredient in the mix. It is the ingredient of fan worship. While you may have the best of intentions and truly want people to know and be known by God, the fans come and worship you. You may show them God, but they see and worship you and your gift, rather than God. It’s not your fault, necessarily; it seems to be human nature. I think that the key problem is that the modern church is not how God designed it to be. Like most of our foods, it has been genetically modified and while it may resemble the original church, it is far from it. We need to return to the organic form of being the church, rather than going to church. A place not driven by productions and celebrity, but by love for each other and for the one who gifted us with his love.
http://theoldadam.com/ Steve Martin

A perfect argument for keeping Christ central…and not us, and what ‘we do’.

Thanks!
nilda

I was never part of the party. I was the one wanting entrance to the park. I realized early in my walk with the Lord that there was something inauthentic by the glitz, the hair and the perfect dressed actors on the stage. Yet, because I thought this to be how and where God blessed others, I wanted to be part of the production. Just did not have what it took. Thank you Jesus. You never wanted me to be part of this “form of godliness, but having no power”. I am ok never having attained any part of the world’s success. Feeling better about being one of the less “blessed”.
Jay J

Sooo well said and I relate in many ways…have spent 20 odd years in “Religious Disneyland” and last 8 years outside “Being “the church wherever I go with whoever He brings my way, just spreading the Love and Grace of an Incredible Father who Loves me no matter what… Freedom from the Law is very Kool…
http://www.facebook.com/attila.varadi Váradi Attila

Mick, tanks for daring and sharing your experiences.

For me you are a today’s ex-Saul Paul who wrote a letter about always rejoicing to the Philippians from that boring Roman prison, chained to a soldier. He wrote that for the benefit of knowing personally Jesus he considered all those “fantastic” religious things like trash, and he still did not achieved perfection. God rid him out of all his visions and religious dreams and great mega-life-goals, and let him put into a jail by the Jews and the Romans. And here in the quietness Paul did the “one thing” needed to do for all the “religious doer-Marthas”: that which was behind him, he forgot (momentum is trash), and that is front of him, He will run for the price in Christ.

We as Christ-ians have to learn that all the begining of our journey IS Christ, the WAY itself is still Christ, the running is by and with Christ also and finally, the finish line is Christ too. He should be “the” all (everything and in all (in everything) of our life. Anything less is I believe is idolatry (hurting) for Him, for He is a jealous God who really needs us, our hearts, our presence and intimacy, rather than our “doings”.

Attila
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